176408

Joke of the Day

"I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up mate, won't it start?"""

"My wife said I'm an idiot who can't do the simplest of things right So I packed her bags and left."

"To say Nirvana wasn't the most influential early 90s band would be... A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial..."

"I used to have a job eating vegetables I hated it, but the celery was good"

"*buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* *panics* OMG WHAT'S THAT NOISE? *son walks in with powered toothbrush* *buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* thank GOD."

"[two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain] ""Hi."" ""Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564 before it went supernova?"" ""Yes."" ""U still owe me $20."""

"I once had a llama."

"What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving? Beef with turkey"

"Dentist: *Pokes gums with sharp pointy instrament of death* Dentist: ""Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss."""

"How hard do you think Joe Biden laughs when a senate's bill gets 69 votes? I bet he has to leave the room."