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Joke of the Day

"My iPhone just autocorrected the word nigga to NIGGA, like whoa iPhone. You can't just go around yelling the N word. Jesus."

"Coworker: ""How was your weekend?"" Me: ""You know, they killed Socrates because he asked too many questions."""

"Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall -- scale reads zero"

"Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop."

"George Carlin:""Why do laxatives always say 'Works gently, overnight'?"" ""What if I want something that works violently right now?"""

"*quietly tries to open bag of chips while fiance is reading her wedding vows*"

"What's the best thing about escalator jokes The short delivery."

"Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'."

"I really don't appreciate ghosts coming back from the dead just to tell me I'm doing a bad job. Boooooo"

"Opinions are like Assholes... Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others."