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Joke of the Day
"Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'."
Next Joke
"The Kardashian Family motto: Getting black men off since the OJ trial."
"*notices girl singing song that's on in coffee shop* Me: You're a Cher fan too!? Her: Hold on *takes off bluetooth* Her: What? *dies alone*"
"Imagine us waiting for 2017 but out comes 2016S"
"What do JFK and Obama have in common? Well, nothing yet."
"Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike."
"Recent studies have shown that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy"
"How many light bulbs does it take to change people?"
"""Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today."" -the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now"
"I've got sexy women on me like white on rice Fried rice that is."