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Joke of the Day

"I deliver packages, I came up to a house and a man was sticking his penis through the mail slot. He was giving me a tip."

"Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things."

"You are 15 years old you should feel butterflies in your stomach not a baby kicking"

"My son just told me he's changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy."

"My wife wasn't amused... Her: Be careful traffic is crazy. Me: If I can handle you, traffic should be a cinch!"

"A Martini is like a woman's breast... One is not enough, and three is too many."

"Why do people order espresso shots at Starbucks? Because it's black. Sorry."

"Recording on an Australian tax help line If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2."

"It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :("

"Did you know that timing is the secret to great comedy? Like a head phone jack is the secret to a great phone."