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Joke of the Day

"""Oh man, that thing looks irritated"" - me, pulling into the airport parking lot and seeing my mother-in-law waiting on the curb"

"The light at the end of the tunnel better be a damn computer screen"

"The Egg Race Who came in first? The over easy egg because it was really runny. How about second? The over medium egg because it was only a little runny. And last? That would be the baked egg."

"Where do the cleverest parrots live? In the brain tree forests!"

"I was speaking to a lad at work called krowski. I asked, ""So are you Polish?"" He said, ""No, my great grandad was."" I said, ""Oh, so you're just a tad pole?"""

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon trainer? James. Who else has a Meowth and still wants someone else's Pokemon?"

"Yo mama is so fat...that she broke a branch in her family tree!"

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three HOs."

"My dick is like news... ...because it passes from mouth to mouth."

"In the library: ""Excuse me, where are the books about paranoia?"" ""They are... right behind you."""