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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon trainer? James. Who else has a Meowth and still wants someone else's Pokemon?"

"My son, 5, scared of the thunder. I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all. Think that helped."

"I pushed a hipster down the stairs today... He's still Tumbling!"

"Netflix: we are the top online streaming service. Best in the world. Me: can I rewind 10 seconds without ruining everything? Netflix: no"

"George Carlin: Dead. Leslie Nielsen: Dead. Mitch Hedberg: Dead. Greg Giraldo: Dead. Dane Cook: A-Okay. God has some explaining to do."

"Why didn't Edward leave Russia? Cause he was snowden."

"Subway only exists because we're all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. ""Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here's $8."""

"I respect the moon, it controls two of our most precious elements, oceans and wolves."

"What's small, black and full of cobwebs? An ethiopian's asshole."

"What has four hairy legs and likes to fuck my sister? My dad and I."