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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three HOs."

"I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today. She was seeing other people."

"Five Star Hangover Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the vomit in my car, I'm pretty sure that I'm a ball of fun when I black out on Saturday night."

"What do you call a cow abortion? De-calf"

"So this guy walks into a bar... Ouch!"

"""This is groundbreaking stuff."" Inventor of the shovel"

"What's it called when a hippy hangs himself? Tie-die"

"Fuck, marry, kill? Your sibling. Your mom. Your dad. Fuck all of them"

"[at Doctor's office] ""When's the last time you had sex?"" Last night. ""With a male or female?"" Oh...with another person?"

"Mark Zuckerberg screwed over his class mates and best friend. Do you honestly think he cares about your opinion on the new Timeline layout?"