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Joke of the Day

"My favorite part of eating alone at this trendy restaurant was when the waitress asked if I had cats because I had cat hair, ""all over."""

"[shipwreck diary] Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week"

"If future me us reading this some how, please reply ASAP Need help with my life"

"Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneeded a poo!"

"Did you hear about that mathematician who only used furniture made out of clocks? He loved his times tables."

"APOCALYPSE SURVIVOR: ""We must conserve resources. Only people with useful skills! What's yours?"" ME: ""I write and want to dir--"" ""GUNSHOT*"

"Who did the baker bring to work? His doughter."

"My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!"

"When is an aardvark jumpy? When he's got ants in his pants!"

"What's black, white, and red all over and can't turn around in a narrow hallway? A nun with a spear through her head."