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Joke of the Day

"My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her."

"I think it's time I remind you all that spoons are just tiny bowls with very long handles."

"I enjoy quaint, old-fashioned customs like being nice to people."

"Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies? I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest."

"what ya doing... your mum"

"How do we know that Darth Vader is American? Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March"

"My only fetish is for pasta I guess you could call it fetichinni..."

"It's like my dad always said: ""Stop quoting me and come up with your own ideas."""

"Give a dad a fish and save him a trip to Costco. Teach a dad to fish and you can throw wild parties while he's away on fishing weekends."

"Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish."