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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies? I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest."

"How do canibals eat victims with Parkinson's disease? Shake n bake"

"I got a job crushing cans... ...It's soda pressing..."

"Tardiness makes me extremely angry. As my late wife found out."

"What do you call olive oil that is really outgoing? Extroversion"

"Ever accidentally throw something away and then later realize you actually needed it? I did this with my life."

"What is up with these reposts? It must be heredditory."

"My vaccume cleaner sucks because it doesn't suck... Unlike my other vaccume cleaner, which doesn't suck because it sucks. (co-writing credit to smarties pants u/lord_of_the_realm)"

"Intensive care toddler One of the toddlers on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey. ICU baby, shaking that ass..."

"-hey don't shoot me, i'm just the messenger! -oh the letter says to shoot me? okay th-"