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Joke of the Day

"Me: *trying to be cool* Scotch Bartender: Preference? Me: *nervously* hop Bartender: Bout time! *breaks out sidewalk chalk*"

"Private Manning will never get away with it! Corporal Klinger didn't"

"Heard the local weatherman say, ""high in the thirties"" & now I know the title to my autobiography."

"Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race."

"What is the easiest way to kill a frenchman? Break his neck by slamming down the toilet seat, while he is drinking. - Otto von Bismarck"

"My favorite knock knock joke Knock Knock Who's there I eat mop I eat mop who. Say it out loud."

"Just saw one of those giant centipedes run though my living room so now I'm gunna sleep with a flamethrower and a full metal jacket."

"WAITER: can i take your order? HER: *looks at lobster tank* i'll take that one ME: *looks out window* i'll take that pigeon"

"Damn Shakira is doing Activia commercials too now. With all that belly dancing, you'd think she'd be able to shit. Who knew."

"An ultralow frequency sine wave radiates into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, why the long phase?"""