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Joke of the Day

"Just saw one of those giant centipedes run though my living room so now I'm gunna sleep with a flamethrower and a full metal jacket."

"I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon."

"Where do you buy a Walrus? WalMart!"

"Such a double standard that when a guy sleeps with a ton of people he's ""cool,"" but when I do I'm ""lying"""

"I asked my co-worker if she liked Adele.. Co-worker: No, I haven't listened to any of her music actually. Me: Oh! Then you must be rolling in the deep!"

"""One day, I will create a global business-oriented social networking service"" - Abraham LinkedIn"

"What is the definition of ""derange""? De place where de cowboys ride!"

"Brother: Do you want to come over to see the new baby? Me: Does it have wifi?"

"Being Mute. Being mute means never having to say you're sorry."

"What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid? Nike. Their motto says just ""Just do it""."