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Joke of the Day

"WAITER: can i take your order? HER: *looks at lobster tank* i'll take that one ME: *looks out window* i'll take that pigeon"

"Death is not the end. You still have to dispose of the body and hide the evidence."

"A young pirate asks his old sea dog captain... .. why he wears a patch over one eye. The captain replies, ""Yarr, my parrot shat in me eye... And I wasn't used to me hook"""

"Teacher : Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first ? Pupil: I want to know how it ends !"

"GUESS WHAT Knock knock who dere not robin williams"

"What did the german with food allergies say? Gluten Nacht"

"She was like ""wrong hole"", so I said ""adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma"", long story short I'm still single."

"I admit I thought cloning Wanda Sykes 10,000 times was a dumb idea, but looks like the TSA managed to hire all of them"

"What the Washington Fat Cats don't understand is that when they stopped making Doritos 3D we lost an entire dimension of flavor"

"Why did the run-on sentence get worried? Her period came late."