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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog !"

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"I hate having closure, it's really"
"I love being complimented on my parking skills! Someone even left a note on my windshield saying ""parking fine""."
"What do you call a Honry Micheal J Fox? A Viberator"
"Just burned 2000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at the grocery store."
"What's a snakes favourite TV program ? Monty Python!"
"Police responded to a call where the husband was beating his wife with a flashlight... The man was charged with assault; flashlight charged with battery."
"Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds??? Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!"
"I told my mate that my newborn baby's stomach was the size of a walnut. . . . ""Just feed him a walnut then."""
"So, a girl was giving me a handjob... and I told her to stop because she was rubbing me the wrong way."