98477

Joke of the Day

"The worst thing about being single is wondering if I'll ever have kids. Like, what if I just keep making money & having fun forever? Scary!"

"Why wasn't Sean Connery standing? He had to shit."

"Whenever you floss, you should be allowed to go to your dentist's house and collect an allowance."

"What band was Harambe In? Gorillaz"

"Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops? Because they lactose."

"My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife."

"Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed."

"A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, ""Hey, how do I get to the other side of the river? The other man responds, ""You are on the other side of the river."""

"How does Lil Wayne get inspiration for his new music? He listens to his old music."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory... but you couldn't park anywhere near the place. [credit to Stephen Wright]"