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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed."

"The actual secret ingredient on most Iron Chefs is forehead sweat."

"What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day? St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish."

"I like my women like I like my eggs. Beaten."

"My God: dead. My world: disenchanted. My invitation on LinkedIn: declined."

"What do Jews call a lone rabbit? A rabbi."

"Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Credit: Philip J. Fry"

"Sad to think this is the tallest I'll ever be, barring some kind of awesome mutation."

"Why did vegan cross the road? Because chicken came to his side."

"A friend that steals your tortilla chips is nacho friend."