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Joke of the Day

"interviewer: what is ur weakness? me: follow up questions interview: care to elaborate? me: [quivers with fear]"

"The barber asks Bernie Sanders ""what are you looking to get done today?"" ""Oh, just fuck up the top 1%."" ""Say no more..."""

"I often agree to let my kids sleep over at other people's houses, just to remind parents that there are kids who are way worse than theirs."

"""Hey dad! Did you get a haircut?"" ""No. I got them all cut."""

"Why is it called PMS? Because mad cow disease was taken."

"A black guy and a Puerto Rican guy are carpooling to work together."

"I'm a paranoid narcissist... I'm afraid no one's out to get me!"

"""We met in church."" Lies we tell kids."

"*Throws caution to the wind* *gets covered in caution*"

"Her: ""Will you still love me if you win 1 million dollars at the lottery?"" Him: ""Of course, baby! But I will miss you..."""