97628

Joke of the Day

"I went out clubbing in the village last night. People looked concerned when i came back covered in blood. I was more concerned about my club."

"Started to travel back in time to kill Hitler, but then I decided to be more efficient and went back and shot Adam and Eve instead."

"Algebra must have trouble letting go of past relationships... ...it always wants people to find it's x."

"Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church? [oc] Because he cantaloupe."

"Dinosaurs naming their non-hetero children. What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotopuss."

"I've found out recently the worst way to start a bennefit gig for abused children is with an apology"

"what sign on your phone does a dog hate the most The pound sign."

"So, what if Mohammed does a self portrait?"

"How do you get a woman to pick cotton?' Set her tampon string on fire."

"Sometimes you have to stop tweeting to have an alibi for ignoring texts."