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Joke of the Day

"Algebra must have trouble letting go of past relationships... ...it always wants people to find it's x."

"Donald Trump could very well be our next President. Laugh, because it's a joke, guys. Guys? Guys! ...It's not funny anymore..."

"If I learned anything from Aladdin it was that if u just keep lying to a girl eventually u will get to marry her and live at her dad's house"

"If by ""fetching"" you mean ""looks like I was dragged from the woods by a dog"" then yes I look fetching."

"uh oh we better all stand up for the old man in the dress who bangs a tiny hammer down or he might decide that we have to live in a cage"

"""America is getting snow? How cute"" -Canadians"

"Cashier: Going snorkeling huh? Me: Yeah. Should be fun. Cashier: Watch out for sea snakes. Me: Hi, I'd like to return these."

"What's the difference between an incontinent person and a 1980's Renault? One's a leaker, one's a Le Car."

"Ladies : Who's the man who, with just the slightest touch- gives you chills and makes you tremble with anticipation ? Your dentist."

"I wonder how many illegitimate socks are out there because of me?"