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Joke of the Day

"Twitter is all fun and games until you get that text asking what that tweet was about."

"Watts a homonym?"

"The problem is I'm really tired... But I hear there's a nap for that."

"So a bar walks into a guy 's asshole and the guy is like ""Fuck ouch dammit my prostate!"""

"What can turn a fruit into a vegetable? Jeffrey Dahmer!"

"A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"Karma is my daughter bragging about getting to sleep late this week and forgetting to turn off her alarm."

"My ""Savings Account"" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets."

"A helicopter There are two men in a helicopter, the gunner says to the pilot,""are you going to rotate clockwise?"" The pilot says,""yaw"""