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Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid I was a sore loser... ...,I cried every time my dad beat me."

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"In wartime, it's so often the most vulnerable who get forgotten. Someone needs to kill them too."
"Why don't lesbians cook? They prefer to eat out."
"A friend that steals your tortilla chips is nacho friend."
"I'm sitting next to a beautiful woman at a bar so now it's only a matter of time before nothing happens."
"How long does it take to drive across France? 3 days by panzer"
"[Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies."
"A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy walk into a bar Bartender looks up and says ""get the fuck out of here"""
"How do you find a British person in a crowd? 1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066."
"Sorry I haven't been able to get back to you, I've been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It."