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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I haven't been able to get back to you, I've been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It."

"I'm texting nothing but ugly girls from now on. They text back so fast!"

"What is that white thing in my pork&beans? The Queen Bean. *Blatantly stolen from Ren & Stimpy"

"Did you hear that the North American Man/Boy Love Association go a new tech support guy? He's an e-NAMBLA."

"""Gary give me the gun"" ""I thought you had it"" ""I TOLD you to bring it"" ""I didn't"" ""who brought the getaway car?"" -Disorganized crime"

"So did you hear about the guy who didn't finish his jokes?"

"Did you hear about the Circus fire? Yea, it was in tents."

"[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them"

"Boss: Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Me: Not cool, dude. Jan's just pregnant. Him:.. Me: Jan if you report this I got your back."

"How many people can ride on a bird? Toucan."