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Joke of the Day
"I just learned Avicii is a singer and not Roman numerals for 1952."
Next Joke
"[feeding baby] Here comes the plane! *baby swallows food* wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk"
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because, I'm still a little sore"
"I mutter ""you arrogant asshole"" when my phone auto-corrects 'iphone' to 'iPhone'"
"He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper. I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives."
"I just read a list of 100 things to do before you die... Surprisingly enough, yell for help wasn't anywhere on it."
"If he doesn't sleep with a life-sized replica of you made of human hair and deli meats, he's not as into you as I am."
"How many letters are in the alphabet during the Christmas Season? Only 25...because there's Noel."
"Why shouldn't you give a Western feminist the first serving of a fruit cocktail? Because they'll just pick out all the cherries."
"What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese. ...Ba-doom-tish."