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Joke of the Day

"If he doesn't sleep with a life-sized replica of you made of human hair and deli meats, he's not as into you as I am."

"My wife's a terrible cook, she can never get her sauces right! But I've stuck with her, through thick and thin."

"What's Big? My ass."

"Charlie Manson has served his time, it's time to release him back into society. Somewhere near Justin Bieber."

"If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people... like claim you ate a pinecone every single day."

"My buddy says he is the world's worst at self-deprecating humor. he worried once he was too modest. Then realized he was wrong."

"I need to get my spine removed.. It's been holding me back my whole life"

"I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth... ...my basement door doesn't lock properly"

"Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire? A Snowman."

"You know when your teacher is running ten minutes late and it feels like nobody is in charge? That's what Mexico feels like all the time."