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Joke of the Day
"My Facebook movie is okay, but the book was better."
Next Joke
"5-year-old: Dad, can you make the rain go away? Me: Someone more powerful than me controls the weather. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Mom?"
"Relationships these days are like Birthdays....Once the Cake is Eaten, the Party's Over...!!!"
"People always demand to know who farted as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based on who's responsible."
"My small child told me his opinion on politics and I disowned him for being a nerd"
"Why do bachelors like smart women? Because they're so rare."
"A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth. Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday."
"Can't speak for all women but generally I'll just keep nagging until you agree with me, sometimes even after that. You know, for sport."
"I call my penis Oscar Pistorius. It only goes inside for a disappointingly short period of time."
"Cop: Know why I pulled you over? Me: Yeah Cop: Oh ok nevermind"