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Joke of the Day

"A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth. Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday."

"Why was the volcano so pleasant to be around? Because he was so magmanimous."

"My wife is paralysed from the waist down Insensitive cunt."

"Old but Gold. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese."

"Today I told my girlfriend she should really join Reddit cause... We'd be on the same page."

"Wanna know the difference between a man and a matgarita? A margarita hits the spot every time."

"Something my friend said during our darkest hour of finals cramming I'm wearing my Seahawks jersey to the exam tomorrow. That way I'll pass even though we all know I shouldn't."

"Why did the blonde stare at the Ford? It said Focus."

"The first woman on the Moon... ""Houston, we have a problem."" ""What?"" ""Never mind."" ""What's the problem?"" ""Nothing."" ""Please tell us?"" ""You know what the problem is."""

"There isn't such a thing as a communist school is there... They're all in classes?"