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Joke of the Day

"Wait. I'm not cool cuz I'm home on a weekend night? You mean my home I own? With no landlord, neighbors or...parents? Wow, I'm such a loser."

"My asian girlfriend made me mad so I replied in text message with.. -_-"

"Oh your boyfriend proposed? Well I just realized my new dress has pockets, so I think it's obvious who's having a better day."

"If Barack and Joe were in a buddy cope movie, would it be called ""Abiden By The Law""?"

"First dirty joke my dad told me, it's about 30 years old and I still tell it. What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub? The lady in church has hope in her soul."

"What does the quantum duck say? Quark Quark"

"What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a colored wash? Whites occasionally get inside a colored wash."

"What's the difference between dead babies and salads? I don't put my salads in the microwave before I eat them"

"Sometimes, I like to read the bible in public and yell out, ""Oh Bullshit!"""

"Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub."