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Joke of the Day

"Wait. I'm not cool cuz I'm home on a weekend night? You mean my home I own? With no landlord, neighbors or...parents? Wow, I'm such a loser."

"For the holidays I've decided to stop making puns... I'm sure yule appreciate it."

"I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR DIFFERENT FABRIC STORES LOOKING FOR THIS 'WIFEY MATERIAL'! WHERE COULD THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL BE!?"

"I lied awake all last night waiting for the sun to come up... And then it dawned on me."

"Monster energy drink bumper stickers--because you can't give your truck an eyebrow piercing."

"What is Vladimir Putin's favourite subject? Computin science"

"(Court) Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead? Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet."

"I got a new job circumcizing elephants The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous"

"You can drink lava But only once"

"I admit I once used the n-word when someone asked me to go to a Kenny Chesney concert. But that n-word was, ""No."""