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Joke of the Day

"All I did was compliment a coworker on their fantastic mustache, and now I'm in HR's office. Thanks a lot, Megan!"

Next Joke
 
"Did you hear about the time that /u/poem_for_your_sprog and /u/ShittyJokeExplainBot got into trouble? It was a shticky situation. I'll show myself out."
"[police lineup] Cop: Do you see the guy who ate your plants? Me: Nope Cop: *waving leaf* Wildebeest step forward? WB: *drooling* Goddamnit"
"What is the difference between snowman and snowwoman? snowballs"
"What's the difference between a white nationalist and a racist? Two syllables."
"hey girls if you sleep with a guy then tell them you're pregnant they'll give you a bunch of money for an abortion I have like 50 cars"
"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit-alot"
"They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be 'land'"
"Son: ""Mom, Dad, I'm gay."" Mom: *Stares at Dad* Dad: *Clenches fist* Mom: ""Don't!"" Dad: *Sweats Profusely* Mom: ""..."" Dad: ""HI GAY, I'M DAD"""
"I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation that I have... Don't believe me? Just watch!"