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Joke of the Day

"Sure, I could live a pious life so St. Peter lets me through the Pearly Gates. Or I could just crawl under the gate since IT SITS ON A CLOUD"

"Why was the Moon in a bad mood? It was just going through one of its phases."

"What do T-Rex's do for a living? They're small arms dealers."

"I'd get into a lesbian relationship just to mooch my girlfriend's hair care products."

"What do you call it when you think you've lost your Italian cured meat, but then you find it again? A falsalami"

"Books all over the floor..... but I have only my shelf to blame."

"It would be rather appropriate to die during sex. We come *into* this world naked and screaming..."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar.... And a table.....then some chairs..."

"[stubs toe] ""GOD DAMMIT"" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]"

"What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits."