185027

Joke of the Day

"I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation that I have... Don't believe me? Just watch!"

"What does a British midget get when he is told he is going to be crucified? He gets a little cross."

"If I were a fly on the wall, I'd probably be the slow, uncoordinated one that makes someone feel like a ninja for killing me on first try."

"What not to ask a gynecologist when seeking dating advice. What do you look for in a woman?"

"Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy .... .... I hear you ask."

"Why do Canadians like number systems greater than Base-10? Because 7 8 9, A?"

"Just trimming my nose hair and drinking a soy latte. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta."

"What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar"

"Why did Jesus curse the fig tree? [God hates figs.](http://www.wikiwand.com/en/Cursing_the_fig_tree)"

"What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener."