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Joke of the Day

"[Marvel Avengers Age of Ultron Spoilers] If Captain Americas shield is made of Vibranium what is Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver"

"""I didn't go to grad school to assemble agenda folios for the quarterly board meeting"" I think as I drizzle Dawn into the CEO's coffee pot."

"A Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. The Muslim says ""I don't drink"" The Jew replies ""I'm not paying"""

"Beethoven walks into a bar... The bartender tells him, ""we don't serve any E-minors here."" Beethoven says ""what?"""

"I just saw a woman outside sitting alone on a bench and staring at nothing and it made me so sad. I wonder what happened to her phone?"

"What are peas attracted to? Chickpeas"

"Thank you for telling the definition of ""many"" to me. It means a lot."

"What is a boxer's favorite meal? Break-fist"

"I buy all my guns from a guy named ""T-Rex"" He's a small arms dealer"

"You ever seen a Polish trailer? And..here we are."