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Joke of the Day

"Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus. Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus."

"What do we want?! AIRPLANE NOISES! When do we want them?! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"[interview] What is your greatest strength? ""Throwing my voice"" You're hired! ""Ok great, thanks"" Wait I didn't say- oh wow you're good"

"DOCTOR TO PATIENT JOKE Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"

"Obama: ""I have no more campaigns to run...because I won both of them"" Biden like 2 years later: LOL OH I GET IT. HES BEEN PRESIDENT FOR TW"

"Two Spanish historians believe that they've discovered the Holy Grail. Indiana Jones found it back in 1989, but they lost track of it."

"You know what they say about tapirs?... They're nosey pigs."

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Just taught my 15 year old German Shepard to play dead! Cocky bastard is trying to set a record too! Been that way for eight hours now..."

"What is the most confusing holiday in Harlem? Father's Day."

"Did you hear about the Hollywood actress that got murdered...? Person 1: Her name was Reese, errr, Reese, Reese whatshername... Person 2: Witherspoon? Person 1: No, with a knife."