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Joke of the Day

"[interview] What is your greatest strength? ""Throwing my voice"" You're hired! ""Ok great, thanks"" Wait I didn't say- oh wow you're good"

"What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The cheerleader in my trunk."

"Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing."

"I was in chemistry class with my lab partner... ...and asked him if he wanted some sodium bromide, but to my disappointment, he said NaBro"

"What's the difference between Marty McFly and a Bears fan? Eventually, Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985."

"How long does it take to cook a baby in the microwave? No clue. Too busy masturbating."

"I was on a date last night and the girl said my breath smells like fire. I said, ""yeah, I ate my mixtape."""

"Q: What do they use frozen band-aids for? A: Cold cuts."

"How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth."

"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's clothes."