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Joke of the Day

"Obama: ""I have no more campaigns to run...because I won both of them"" Biden like 2 years later: LOL OH I GET IT. HES BEEN PRESIDENT FOR TW"

"I always say ""I was wondering when you'd find me"" when I get in my car. That way if someone's ever in the backseat I'll look cool as shit."

"Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario &how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream."

"What is the name of Bruce Lee's crippled brother? Broccoli"

"I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman!"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool"

"If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started"

"I find that the secret to not being insecure is to just be better than everybody at everything while being incredibly good looking."

"What kind of pants do the Mario Brothers wear? Denim denim denim."