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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a wind that never gusts? Disgusting. I'll see myself out..."

"A dyslexic Sanders supporter was kicked out of the botanical gardens He kept trying to peel the ferns."

"I used to own a racing snail... It never won though. To improve its performance I removed its shell but, if anything, it made it more sluggish"

"Arrgh! These be some pirate jokes. Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrgggghhhh What is a pirates favorite letter? Most think it's Arrrrgh but, it is really the Sea(c)."

"Why are baseball players so cool? They always have their fans around."

"Americans choosing their orders at McDonalds more seriously than Their presidents."

"[First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!"

"Mistakenly punched premium at the gas pump today and now I have to sell one of my kids to the circus."

"What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge? *""I set* ***who*** *free?""*"

"An insect just flew into my bedroom and exploded. I think it was a Jihaddy Long Legs."