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Joke of the Day

"[First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!"

"An avocado-wife is giving her husband the silent treatment Husband: ""I said you were the good kind of fat!"""

"A bad cheese joke. How did I boast to the cheese I made myself? ""Gruyere."""

"And Jesus said unto Peter, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal glory"" But Peter came fifth, and won only a toaster."

"The way I feel when a waiter brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father."

"Hey Baby are you Rockefeller? Because I think we should Horizontally Integrate."

"you mean the story about the elderly lady who had some sort of fur coming out of her lower back? oh thats nothing but an old wives tail"

"I own a store that sells crafts painted with blood It's called the Artery"

"What's the difference between a person with a forehead and a fivehead? A sixth sense"

"You know what they say about a guy with tiny arms? He has tiny legs. (if you know what i mean)"