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Joke of the Day
"I really really hope parallel universe me is vomiting on my cat's carpet right now."
Next Joke
"Did you hear there was a blackout last night? Don't worry, we caught him"
"""Daddy, I want to watch Dora."" Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets"
"For sale: car. Does not stop. You will have to jump in as I jump out. I have been driving this car for three years. Please help me"
"(NEW YEARS) what did the rabbi say on New year's. ""f#ck that, happy **Jew** years!!"""
"I'm not saying she's fat... ....But if I had to name 5 of the fattest people I know, She'd be three of them."
"Just because you are chubby and heartbroken doesn't mean you must sing Adele's song on Karaoke."
"""the names bond, james bond"" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple"
"he's not all bad: after an 12 hour shift at a local food kitchen, mayor Rob Ford selflessly turned down a hot meal. ""I've got more than enough to eat at home"""
"Graphic designers just aren't my type."