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Joke of the Day

"I was going to go for a run this morning. Then I remembered I don't run so I put some whiskey in my coffee and sat back down."

"The thing about liking Kanye is that no matter how into him you are, you're AT BEST his #2 fan."

"A therapist and his client play a word association game and the therapist asks, ""What's the first word that comes to mind after the word 'pork'?"" ...he responds, ""U pine."""

"How does one know if balls are ticklish? Test-Tickle."

"All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else."

"What is r/jokes' main function? ctrl+v"

"I'm gonna make like a standards censor and get the fuck outta here."

"Two peanuts are hanging out with the wrong crowd... One was assaulted!"

"Addicted Say ""addicted"" after everything I say. What is someone who takes drugs? What is someone who drinks? What hit you in the face last night?"

"Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation"