88685

Joke of the Day

"I just had hip replacement surgery It's a really new procedure; you've probably never heard of it."

"[argument w/girlfriend] HER: you know what your problem is? ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i'm about to find out"

"35% of all hospital deaths are caused by the attending physician failing to yell ""Don't you die on me!"" at the right moment."

"I renamed my iPod Titantic It's syncing much better now."

"A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it"

"What's the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into a dumpster and hitting an accordion with it."

"What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaains. I'm sorry."

"Fresh and Funny! Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk? Oh Harry, that would be lovely! Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?"

"Which Pokemon got a cold? Pik-a-choo."

"According to Facebook, 78% of girls I went to high school with now own their own photography business."