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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into a dumpster and hitting an accordion with it."

"Most Facebook updates should be like this: Hi everybody, I didn't have anything meaningful to tell you. I just wanted to waste your time."

"Where do Jewish kids with ADHD go for the summer? Concentration camp"

"Mickey: ""Minnie, I'm leaving you."" Minnie: ""What!? Are you fucking crazy!?"" Mickey: ""No, I'm fucking Daisy"""

"APOLLO: I'll be god of the sun HERMES: OK I'll take light- A: I'm also light ARTEMIS: I'll take music A: No I'm also music. That's me too"

"I bet hipsters love Mondays just to be ironic, but mostly because they're unemployed."

"After years of working in a hospital, I've become a bit of a germaphobe. I just do NOT believe that Bacteria should have the right to get married."

"I'm just a girl, with a baseball bat, smashing my internet modem into a gazillion pieces."

"I'm going to write a colorless geometry book. It'll be called ""Fifty Shapes of Grey."""

"Why is Edward Snowden still in Russia? The airport is Snowden"