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Joke of the Day
"why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the ooooootheeeeer siiiiiiiiiiiidddeeee!!!"
Next Joke
"What do you give to the man who has everything? Penicillin."
"How do you wake up Lady Gaga..? POKER FACE ... BAHAHAHA!!!"
"The scariest Halloween costume this year will be 'sexy' Kim Davis... Glasses, Crystal Gayle wig, and an ugly blue jumper with nothing underneath."
"Pickup line Hey there, wanna come over and watch porn on my 50 inch flat-screen mirror?"
"If you wear a radioactive belt... ...you end up with nuclear waist."
"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."
"Bully: ""Hey, four eyes!"" Me: ""Don't you mean... fork eyes?"" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]"
"[lays down] Me: Feels so good to close my eyes. Brain: We should think about a fire evacuation plan."
"When I order pizza online, in the ""Special Instructions for the Driver"" box, I put ""Tell me I'm a pretty princess"". And they do. And I am."