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Joke of the Day

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga..? POKER FACE ... BAHAHAHA!!!"

"SECURITY GUARD: ""Sir, I have to check all backpacks"" ME: ""ok"" *opens backpack* *its full of hundreds of tiny backpacks*"

"Two antennas met on a roof . . . Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married, the ceremony was awful but the reception was brilliant."

"People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool."

"Fish and chips joke I draw the line at having fish and chips for breakfast I mean, there's a time and a plaice"

"Professional liars Haven't done an honest days work in their life"

"What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns? I think he would be most strict on nail gun control. (Credit to Taylor on PKA)"

"Why is ""jizz"" such a great word? Because of how nicely it rolls off your tongue"

"Establish dominance by sitting close to the buffet and growling every time someone walks up to get food."

"The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia. NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk. Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden."