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Joke of the Day

"Bully: ""Hey, four eyes!"" Me: ""Don't you mean... fork eyes?"" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]"

"I'd tell you a good chemistry joke but all the good ones argon."

"I've got an L-shaped bed. Lowercase."

"Two priests in a car... ... as a cop pulls them over. ""Sir, we are looking for two child molesters..."" The priests look at each other and after a short moment the driver says: ""Okay, we'll do it"""

"Me: It's been 3 years, but I'm finally making progress on my book. Friend: You're writing a book? Me: No. I meant the book I'm reading."

"sometimes i visit websites that have videos of people making love"

"Come here you little vixen and let me take off your top. -me to my beer."

"ant-man: im here to stop u bad guy: [pulls out a can of Raid] ant-man: motherf"

"What happens when you cross an American and a polar bear. Same as before, lazy and fat."

"A salesman knocked on my door today. ""Who currently provides your Internet?"" he asked. I said, ""My next door neighbour."""