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Joke of the Day

"You may think i'm odd for eating ham and pineapple sandwiches.. But hey.. That's just Hawaii roll."

"A friend asked me what I thought I would be doing in 4 years, I said I dunno... ...it's not like I have 2020 vision."

"Why shouldn't you tell secrets on the farm? The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk."

"What's the difference between pedophile and acne? Acne waits till puberty to come all over the kids face"

"Next time you get in a fight with your girl.. Go tighten all the lids on the jars."

"What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow? Hey pal, you just need to branch out more."

"My twittercide will be like the final scene in BraveHeart but a doughnut will fall from my hand in slowmo instead of an embroidered hanky."

"A woman lights a cigarette after intercourse ""Do you ever smoke after sex?"" she asks her husband. ""I've never checked."""

"Where would you park your camel? The Camelot. PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment Edit: Went to class, came back, saw this. Me and my cat are thoroughly pleased."

"My girlfriend came out of the shower and said ""I shaved down there, you know what that means?"" I said, ""Yeah the f*cking drain is clogged again."""