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Joke of the Day

"A woman lights a cigarette after intercourse ""Do you ever smoke after sex?"" she asks her husband. ""I've never checked."""

"Apparently it's not acceptable to moan when someone is demonstrating a choke hold on you in crisis prevention training."

"WHAT DO WE WANT!? CLEARED TIMES ON OUR MICROWAVES! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? 0:00!"

"When your friend offers you free food, all trust is gone out the window!!! The fuck did you do to it? Nothing, I swear! Okay I'll take a fucking bite."

"Did you hear about the Irish man who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe."

"What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him? Get off me homes!"

"At least we know the people who killed the 5 cops in Texas weren't terrorists Because Muslims can't kill pigs. I'm going to hell"

"Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch."

"Where do you find the Bible in a library? ""Fiction""."

"What do you call a newborn with 3 arms? Not mine"