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Joke of the Day

"Its amazing how much power a simple clipboard can wield. Today I fired my boss. What could he say? I have the clipboard."

"What is the difference between a Ferrari and 4 dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... ... it doesn't last long for fat people."

"I just learned Avicii is a singer and not Roman numerals for 1952."

"This girl came up to me today, and claimed she knew me from her vegetable club. I'd never met herbivore."

"I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use Real dinosaurs.."

"You dug the hole you're in... now stop whining and start climbing."

"What do you call five tomatoes? A tom-a-FOOT! In Europe, they call it a tom-a-METER."

"I've asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of crying baby next to me It turns out you can't do that if baby is yours."

"Why did Angelina tell Brad to do squats? Because she was tired of a bottomless pitt."