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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a Ferrari and 4 dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage"

"Well, it's that time of year again when people come up to me with their scary face and frightening clothes with their hand held out wanting money and shit. I hate my job at the welfare office."

"[Trying to impress a cute girl with glasses] HER: So what kind of car do you drive? ME: A bookmobile."

"My friend died from heart burn the other day. My friend Gavin was killed by a terrible case of heart burn yesterday. I can't fucking believe Gavisgone."

"I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome"

"Bad puns run in the family... I guess they're he**reddit**ary"

"I don't understand the big hubbub about missing divers. They're probably just underwater."

"My mom likes to get to the airport three days before her flight."

"I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can"

"Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice box? Because it says ""concentrate"""