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Joke of the Day

"In tandem with the supreme court ruling in favor of same-sex marriage New Line Cinema announced a sequel to Wedding Crashers. It's going to be called Wedding Crashers 2: Courthouse Marriages."

"""I don't like the taste of water"" - First World Problem"

"My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat."

"A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and then his wife didn't speak to him for 6 months. It was part of the deal"

"I just found out I passed my drug test.... Which means my dealer has some explaining to do."

"I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of my eye, but half the time if theres anything in my eye its a damn eyelash."

"How does an eyelash, so soft and fine, turn into a cheese-grater when it gets under your eyelid?"

"I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems."

"Can a ninja kill someone from a distance? Shuriken!"

"Before you ever criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes."