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Joke of the Day

"In tandem with the supreme court ruling in favor of same-sex marriage New Line Cinema announced a sequel to Wedding Crashers. It's going to be called Wedding Crashers 2: Courthouse Marriages."

"What's better than roses on my piano? Tulips on my organ."

"If smoking weed ruins your short term memory... ...then what does smoking weed do?"

"[1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes"

"Well, it's the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game."

"An octopus is very cool because if Snow White and the Seven Dwarves were drowning, it would have enough tentacles to save all of them."

"I should have noticed that my son, a railroad worker is stealing from his workplace But each time he came home I just ignored the signs"

"eer booze and fun!' 'Remember an alcoholic & a drunk are not the same thing at all. The alcoholic has to attend meetings."

"What do you say when your lesbian daughter brings home her girlfriend? ""Are you going to be staying for dinner or eating out?"""

"Post? Post and repost are on a bridge. Post jumps off. Who is left?"