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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes"

"What's the best thing about being a female mime? There's no glass ceiling"

"I HAVE A LITTLE MERMAID BAND-AID UNDER MY EYE CAUSE I'M IN A GANG NOW."

"Confucius Says Baseball is wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk."

"I overclocked my computer processor this morning... The time advanced by one hour."

"What does the gay horse eat? Haaaaayyyyy"

"Confucius say man who run behind car... ...get exhausted."

"Happy Valentine's day! Do you know what the word of the day is? Legs!.....Should we go back to my place and spread the word?"

"What do you call someone who is obsessed with a constant breeze? a 'fan'atic."

"I'm currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson's and kleptomania. We're going to take things slow."