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Joke of the Day

"Do you whats amazing? Spiderman"

"Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my ""I ? Karaoke"" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever."

"How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'? 1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... I^will^see^myself^out"

"Q: What did the cook say to the dough? A: I ""NEED"" you!"

"What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce. *drops mic, throws up dynasty sign*"

"So I was all ""I'm not taking any shit from you, bitch"" and she was all ""to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1""."

"How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it."

"ME: *looks up from tarot card* So is Death laughing at a smoldering corpse a good thing? PSYCHIC: *wide-eyed* At this point, I don't know."

"You really have to hand it to blind prostitutes"

"My sister thinks macadamia nuts is an STD."